What do heavy metal, Rambo knives, the Evil Dead and violent computer games all have in common?

Anyone old enough to hold an opinion worth hearing might recall that they’ve all been focal points for entirely synthetic moral panics, gleefully whipped up by a bloated corporate media always keen to curry political favour and further the next virtue-signalling social agenda. In hindsight, just a little objective research or critical thinking would’ve debunked all of those patently absurd and retarded ideas before they ever gained a foothold in the public discourse – assuming anyone involved ever gave a tinker’s cuss about public discourse in the first place.

I’ve watched so many of these fabricated folk demons rise, release their poison and then crumble to dust over the years that I now find it hilarious to see that same sanctimonious, self-appointed media elite being royally rogered by the brute, splintered broom-handle of a reality it still somehow claims to represent. 2016 really has been a vintage year for the mainstream media’s endless projection and hypocrisy. It’s literally one for the history books, and the kids of tomorrow will shake their heads at the staggering arrogance and obviousness of it all.

As they’ve watched a civilised world joyfully flip them the finger time and time again, what has been the establishment media’s response to this sudden, inexplicable rejection of their wise counsel? Have they looked straight into the cameras they love so much, to beg forgiveness from those they so wilfully sought to mislead? Do they feel even the slightest pang of shame or regret for abandoning even the pretence of objectivity? Do they lie awake at night, wondering whether they were right to consistently oversample their preferred polling groups to reflect a fantasy they so desperately wanted us all to believe?

Bollocks do they! These are the over-privileged, overindulged and overpaid chattering classes of the corporate media bubble we’re talking about. Already we see the same, tired, worn, and blatantly false narrative arising from the ashes of the Trumpocalypse like a balding, geriatric phoenix; cruelly pushed over the cliff for one final flight that it simply doesn’t have the strength to complete.

The routine goes something like this: end up looking foolish after shamelessly pushing your preferred outcome for months on end; make some noises about blind spots and listening more; mumble a bit about improving polling models. Then default straight back to sneering from on high while admonishing ordinary voters for daring to face the reality in which they find themselves. Don’t believe me? Just think back to the 2015 general election and the EU referendum. They really weren’t so very long ago.

But it’s different this time around. Something has truly spooked the complacent corporate media herd. The shock of defeat is too great and the trauma of wilfully shredding their own reputations is so painful that a newer, more novel and altogether more sinister fall guy for their collective failure must be found; and if it can’t be discovered, it can always be synthesised on demand.

Welcome to the era of ‘post-truth’, where the mushy minds of the little people have been poisoned en masse by evil, manipulative ‘false news’ sources…because racism or something. Don’t worry though, our elders and betters at Google and Twitter will help us to find the light once more. They’re already working selflessly on our behalf to ensure we’re never again led astray by basement dwelling demagogues for whom no falsehood is too great and no lie too egregious.

I’ll say this much for the corporate media and academic establishments: it really does take a pair of very special, shiny, galactic-scale brass cojones to claim the moral and intellectual high ground after decades of propagandising, fear mongering and gleeful smearing of anyone who dared to question their cosy, profitable and oh so very civilised consensus.

Hey you! Yeah you, mainstream media! Guess what; some of us among the great unwashed can still remember your shameless scams.

We remember you warned us it would be a disaster if we left the Exchange Rate Mechanism. We remember you scared us with stories that Arctic summers would be ice free by 2013. We remember you told us we’d be left behind if we didn’t join the Euro, and we remember you threatened us with economic collapse and emergency budgets if we defied the EU and voted for Brexit. Now, after Donald Trump’s entirely predictable victory, you dare to suggest that those who’ve rejected your endless stream of manipulative bullshit by voting against your preferred outcomes are the ones who need guidance on “fake news.”

Fuck you.

If you think nobody’s noticed your ocean-going hypocrisy…everybody’s noticed your ocean-going hypocrisy!

Well, listen up, because here’s the real news. It turns out that those guys on YouTube with the tinfoil hats have done a better job of analysing reality and made far, far more accurate predictions than you ever did. That is the beautiful irony you dare not confront. You’ve had your smug, over-valued, condescending arses handed to you by a bloke in his basement; the very living, breathing stereotype you’ve all derided with impunity for years on end. I hope that painful truth hurts for a long, long time and keeps you awake at night. You thoroughly deserve it.

How could you have got it so wrong, on so many issues for so long and gotten away with it? If anyone else had screwed up so badly and so consistently in their job they’d have been fired and ridiculed, not promoted and applauded.

You know what? I could’ve saved all you pollsters and analysts a fortune and a great deal of heartache these past few years. If anyone had asked me, I’d have dismissed you all, taken half your salaries, sat behind a desk and simply flipped a coin when any significant economic or political question appeared on the horizon. Me and my coin would’ve been right far more often than all of you talking heads put together.

But that’s not the worst of it, because this sorry litany of failure and falsehood leads us to one final, inevitable and very uncomfortable conclusion.

There are only two possibilities for the spectacularly inept performance of our media, academic and institutional elites over the past eighteen months (and in fact much longer if anyone cares to look). One possibility is that these highly educated, well read and erudite people are so completely ignorant of the world they’ve spent years studying that they have no idea how it really works. The other, much more plausible possibility is that they’ve not been making their lofty pronouncements in good faith, but have been working to impose a social, economic and political paradigm which they have unilaterally decided is best for everyone.

False news? You guys can go look in the mirror while you all screw yourselves. Nobody will ever swallow your force-fed, overpriced bullshit again.