The eternal question.

I fucking hate office jobs, I really do. You sit about having fucking meetings about shit that doesn’t matter a jot, thinking that everything that’s said and done has some enormous impact on a world that really, genuinely, couldn’t give a tinker’s toss about your silly little life. Half the time there’s not enough to do and when you ask other people if they want help with their work they cling to their pointless tasks like the last rubber ring in a sea of bobbing corpses, having spent all week moaning about how fucking busy they are.

The upshot of this hatred is I decided a few months ago to try to write for a living. Oh how I enjoy trawling websites of freelance jobs, reading how Rob P wants to pay me one dollar for 350-500 words on a topic so dry it would leave a camel gasping. Yes, ‘Iasi’ from Romania, I would dearly love to write 10 articles of 500 words each in 24 hours for the princely sum of $30, in fact just the thought of the task has me reaching for my enlarging groin.

And even these delectable jobs get awarded to dickheads who introduce themselves with ‘i am great riter’ but live in the type of society where getting paid around two hundred quid for enough words to fill a full-length novel would feed a family of five for a fortnight.

There’s a bee here, keeps ramming itself against the glass door next to me, it must really fucking want to get in here.

So now there’s this website where I will write whatever the fucking hell I want, because I’m an angry man who needs help and flatly refuses to get it. There aren’t enough places on the internet where people can write furious, clever, sensible, intelligent, witty and fucking outrageous things without having to justify to some pinhead editor why their fine work deserves to be on a site that only exists because people like us look at it. You should be BEGGING us to write for you, you utter imbeciles.

Not the shite on here obviously, no-one in their right mind would ask someone to write this bollocks.

If you want to write for this website please click one of the links at the top until you find what you’re looking for, which is the best summation of the internet ever written.