Technology is the constant driving force of change in the modern world, and over the years you have to admit that it’s getting pretty good. Did you know you can watch porn on your phone? Don’t forget to finish reading this when you’re done.

Consider a fairly complex scenario, using online gaming as an example. You sit at home in your sweaty armchair and press a button on your Xbox controller. That depresses a microswitch, which then sends an electronic signal through the air by magic to your Xbox. The clever little machine then sends a big fat ‘reloading’ signal to the telly and you see your murderous avatar force a fresh clip into his gun

But that’s not all it does, because it also needs to tell the other people you’re playing with. So it sends a signal off on a merry little journey through the air to your wireless router, which then sends it along a long cable to the green box which sits in the street.

The signal then puts his travelling shoes on and hikes through underground cables to your internet service provider and then off onto a local server, and finally to a main server for whatever shitty excuse for escapism you’re playing this week. Then that signal travels all the way under the ocean towards some happy fucker sat in 35C of Miami heat. It goes to his internet service provider and then to his local green box. It magically flies through the air to his Xbox which send the the signal to his TV and finally he sees you reload just before he shoots you in the face.

This all happens in less then half a second. Impressive right?

So why the fuck can’t I get WiFi on my toilet? The signal just will not go through the wall.

There are countless examples of technology failure. Apple paid an eight-figure sum for SIRI…and it’s shit! Who uses it? Apart from the first week, “Hey Dave, watch…Siri, what’s above me now?”. Great so now I know exactly which Malaysian Airliner is about to fall onto my face. What’s the use of that?

And while I’m on Apple I might as well unleash another little broadside. Given a choice of SIRI, compass app, Apple Maps, Stocks, Game Centre and Passbook, or ditching all of these apps for 5 mins extra battery life the majority of people would ditch them, but can we? Can we fuck.

TVs, don’t get me fucking started on TVs. Why in the world do I want to sit and wave my hand in the air to change channel? The remote has been around since 1950 and has been working perfectly fine ever since so what makes anyone think I would rather sit and gesticulate like a madman? Chances are the bloody dog will turn the TV over every time he jumps on the sofa.

The point is that technology is focusing on the wrong things. The drive for change in technology used to be driven by necessity but now it’s just a farce. I’m not saying I want to invent a robotic Gandhi to go over to Russia or the Middle East and chill those fuckers out, but technology took a wrong turn some time ago and someone needs to get it back on the right road, though definitely not with a fucking SatNav.

Before having Amazon start to deliver packages by drone, how about trying to get a single fucking train to run on time?